To see your life unfold

To my dearest brother:

This morning I watched your confirmation. I felt very blessed for the chance to take part in the laying on of hands, and to be there for that moment. I was so proud of you. Daddy cried, and I definitely teared up a bit.

Below are the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns, which came to mind as I sat watching you affirm your baptism. While the "I" in the song is supposed to be God, I feel a very similar connection. I was indeed there when you were born, and I remember the day you were baptized. And I'll be there for you for the rest of your life.

God bless you today and always, little brother.

I was there to hear your borning cry,
I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold. 

I was there when you were but a child,
with a faith to suit you well;
In a blaze of light you wandered off
to find where demons dwell."

"When you heard the wonder of the Word
I was there to cheer you on;
You were raised to praise the living Lord,
to whom you now belong. 

If you find someone to share your time
and you join your hearts as one,
I'll be there to make your verses rhyme
from dusk 'till rising sun.

In the middle ages of your life,
not too old, no longer young,
I'll be there to guide you through the night,
complete what I've begun. 

When the evening gently closes in,
and you shut your weary eyes,
I'll be there as I have always been
with just one more surprise.

I was there to hear your borning cry,
I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
to see your life unfold.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged."

Someone called me a "whore" today.

I was having a lovely time, walking through town with a dear friend of mine, who has been visiting during our Spring Break. We had just finished a late lunch, and were headed off to wander through the nearest bookstore. As we were walking a very deserted street, a car drove past with their windows down and shouted at the pair of us, "Whores!" and drove off before I had caught half a glance of their vehicle.

My dear friend and I were holding hands as we walked, nothing more. She is, in fact, my girlfriend. We're only three short weeks into this. I've never been in a relationship of any sort before this one, so I'm wary about everything. But the fact that I was dating a woman? It didn't cross my mind as something to be wary of, except perhaps around some of my extended family members. Attending a very "open-minded", liberal-arts college has made me forget what the wider world is like. There are so many ignorant, and unkind people in the world, with no sense of the consequences of their harmful words.

My girlfriend and I kept walking until we reached the bookstore. The further I walked, the more the pain set in. It was an awful feeling, sitting right beneath my ribs. I ended up hiding among the stacks of books until I could find a place where I felt safe sitting down, to pretend to look at books while I recovered. While I know that there is nothing I can do about the situation, it doesn't make it hurt any less. My entire life, I have been taught only to be kind to others. But it's a lot easier to say that you'll turn the other cheek than to actually do so. When someone is shouting hurtful things at you, things that cut right to your core because you weren't prepared for them, and know them to be untrue, you can't always think clearly. A very small part of me wanted to fight back. I don't know that I had it in me. All I wanted to do was cry, and hide away until everything seemed safe again.

A part of me started thinking about how the church reacts to situations like this. Turn the other cheek. But what about when the situation involves homosexuality? The views are as varied as ice-cream flavors. Some are just as accepting of these people as of anyone else. Some are very guarded, and some are judgmental to the point of outright rejection. According to the official website for the over-arching church my home church belongs to, we are loved by God no matter if we are heterosexual, homosexual, or anything-sexual. It was a comfort to learn that. I don't know that I classify myself as any particular kind of sexuality. I like who I like, and I don't feel that gender has much to do with it. But I don't know how my home church will feel about the matter. I'm never sure. It's not a topic that gets brought up often, or ever that I can recall.

 I hate feeling anxious and threatened and uncomfortable in my own town. This is a place where I have grown up, and felt safe. The world becomes a different kind of place when you feel threatened. It's a dangerous business going out of one's front door, as I believe it was said in the Lord of the Rings.

~*~

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Philippians 4:6